juicing up

It’s happening as it does in unpredictable cycles, this dip in productivity, a heightened fear of failure, of putting myself out there — all resulting in…nothing. No creative juices, no brilliant bits of prose, or beautiful photographs or even a particularly inspired bit of home organization.

I don’t know if it’s a seasonal thing — summer certainly wore me out psychically.  I lacked  a spiritual room of my own, no schedule per se with fragmented, hectic mothering and coordinating to do. As for recharging — ha! Summer is a frantic race to pack it all in, “enjoy” the outdoors, wring the most of every sweltering, shortlived minute.

So to reiterate, I am not recharged, revivied, renewed. I am creatively drained. I’ve started writing at least five posts in the last few months of my hiatus and either finshed one and hated it, or didn’t finish it because I lacked any feeling around it. They all felt wrong and overworked. I was afraid of not being “perfect,” a word that sits like a bitter berry in my throat with one hell of an aftertaste.

Thus I am freewriting today, an exercise I haven’t done since college, but one that has been used by writers through the ages to end a “block.”  There is a simple joy in not worrying too much about how something will turn out, what the tie-in will be and whether what I write will appeal to my readers. If this isn’t the most profound or topical of blog entries I apologize, but it’s probably my most personal blog  in a way, a crying out for nourishment from my poor, starving little muse. It is what I needed today. And it is enough.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot
    Oct 04, 2011 @ 17:19:00

    Well thanks heavens for that! Happy to see you back at it:) Still plugging away myself. Always thinking I could do more but really we should be grateful we do any writing at all. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Just got a blog post on Gadling which made me very happy and they even paid me. Shock, horror, writer gets paid! xoxox A

    Reply

  2. Suzanne Harman
    Oct 04, 2011 @ 19:14:15

    Way to go! Processing while writing about writing – that is perfectly enough. The way you put yourself out there is inspiring…. And as for creativity – how about that fabulous website you just finished?!

    Reply

  3. Elizabeth H. Cottrell
    Oct 04, 2011 @ 21:22:11

    Don’t stay discouraged, Molly. I have found that often some of my most creative periods have come after months of frustration, confusion, and total lack of clarity or motivation. You have just the right mindset now: “It is enough.” Just grasp anything for which you can be grateful and build on it. We’re rooting for you!

    Reply

  4. Jennifer Flint Designs
    Oct 04, 2011 @ 23:22:57

    Oh, summer is a lower-productivity time for many people, I’m sure. It probably should be. Winter is for nesting and working and making things, but summer is for fun! I wouldn’t worry about it.

    And from a fellow perfectionist, I think the most important thing in any task is simply to start. Things are so much less intimidating once you start – even the littlest step can do it. Tell yourself that being a perfectionist is actually an imperfection, so you don’t need to do it anymore. Then start. Like you did just now, and just perfectly. 🙂

    Reply

  5. Rebecca Purton
    Oct 05, 2011 @ 11:17:47

    Christ, Molly, who needs topical? (And lord save us all from “profound”) Last night, in the final of “The Great British Bake-Off” (yep), it was between two women – one rather driven and taut, who made immaculate miniature pastries and never got flour on her face, the other unconfident and dusty, whose mille-feuilles were too gooey and squishy to stand up straight. The messy lady won – her cakes had the judges melting away at the knees.
    Please, no brilliant bits of perfect prose. I’ll have the gooey, sticky, yummy mess, thank-you very much.
    Lots of love from Becky xxx

    Reply

  6. Liz, the author
    Oct 05, 2011 @ 14:22:14

    Hey Molly, good to know you are still out there. Missed you.
    You’ve touched on one of my bugaboos. Writing a blog can be either the worst thing or the best thing for us perfectionists. That desire (need) to have it be perfect is quite the obstacle. I’m trying out, “what the hell, just put it out there.” Thanks for affirming that.

    Reply

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